I was ADDICTED. To suffering. This is how I let it go.

Ok, I gotta tell it like it is.

For me.

I am no longer attaching myself to suffering.

And. It. Is. Awesome.

As where I used to head into it, complain and tell myself lots of thoughts about the reasons or what to DO about let’s say bach-ache and on-coming migraine after an intense day.

Before, I could think that a bath, or an evening walk in the sunset, or sensual music while showering, or blessed water instead of beer, or an apricot instead of ice cream would be a good idea and I would now that I would feel better from those high vibe alternatives,

but I would still choose to hold on to the suffering a little longer by choosing the alternative that would ”help” me stay in the pain, like Netflix and (sugar and dairy intense) ice cream.

Now, I do NOT judge (I love ice cream and still eat it), I am simply showing the difference.

Now I head into the bathroom and pour myself a bath, listen and dance (in the tub!) and feel my feminine energy BY DEFAULT on a tough day like this.

There is hardly any thought activity around my choices, I choose nurturing, truly nurturing instead of sustaining suffering.

This is to me the shift I have been wanting when mentally working hard at identifying “self-care” activities to include in my routine from a planning state of mind (which haven’t worked out). Now I just do it without ANY resistance. 

It is not from convincing myself through mantras of “I am worthy” or mirror exercises “I am supported and loved now” or anything like that.

It is not from pretending to be happy, to feel happy and then become happy.

No. It is from the deep realization that I was ADDICTED. To suffering.

That I could see my choices as opportunities to break through the addiction, similar to an addiction to alcohol.

Would I let myself choose pain? No.

Can I love myself so deeply that I ALLOW myself happiness? Can I at least TRY it out? Now?

And over and over again, I have.

Until now it is my new normal and I can’t help but choose sunset meditations, evening walks, baths, music, dancing, high vibe nourishing super yummy foods, no meat, hardly no dairy (and man have I been struggling before mentally with this) meditation, energy work, raising my vibration frequently during my day, smiling and when low, when in pain, I FEEL it, I hug myself, I honor my human and do whatever I want and get back SO easily. So easily.

Now I have a lot of different things, meditation practices, energy work and sessions to thank for the shifts occurring.

With love,

Marie

Alexa Marie