Shame and enlightenment on the production floor

I felt SO ashamed. I felt like a looser and a failure and a fraud. A few months ago I had to take a part time job to make ends meet and I have had a wild ride through it.

My ego self has been deeply hurt by the self projected judgements around the completely unqualified job. I was too ashamed to tell my friends and family about it.

The stories of me, myself and I have gone on repeat. I have been crying, raging and lost.

But when I identified that this is the lowest of the lows for me, this is it. I realized this is my chance to play with experience and I did.

In divine timing I received the message: Can I ALLOW myself to feel joy? Can I? Can I feel joy HERE? In freezer room clothes on a cement floor where I was in tears the day before?

And people, I could. I could. I chose to! Because I knew my stories intimately enough to see that they are in deed the illusion.

They are a way through which I cling to suffering.

Through them I was telling myself things that made me angry, irritated and sad. That made me hate where I was and feel aweful. Combined with an inner allowing and opening for joy (for no reason, through no affirmations) I was able to choose joy there and then. And for every single day thereafter.

Thank you Green Tara for the resent initiations and the long time work together, both before and after I got to know you clearly.

I have now been walking around in BLISS! In sheer joy and ecstatic presence. In love.

For weeks.

Day in and day out. I have been laughing and giggling for no reason whilst working in this place I rather not be in. Of course my time here is coming to an end. Of course it is. I don't know when, but I am certain of it. In the meantime I am so LIGHT I had to film myself. See the video on Instagram here. That is how I am walking around at work.

Enlightened joy. For hours and hours, day after day, week after week...


With ecstatic joy,